The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Breaker
by XxQueenAeroxX
Summary: Long ago there lived a kingdom...you know what just read the story!
1. Chapter 1

The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Breaker

Long ago there lived a kingdom….. Ya know I'm not really interested in doing this, it's not your fault I just took a muscle relaxer and it's really kicking in. I'm so stressed these raccoons stole my laptop and keep sending me weird text messages to my cellphone I don't know how they do it but it's really pissing me off and I haven't been getting as much sleep as I usually get. I swear if those disease-infested mutherfuckers send me one more message I gonna bust a cap. Wait… OH SO YOU THINK I'M PLAYIN! THESE FUCKERS DON'T KNOW WHO THEY MESSIN WITH, HERES Zelda: The Wind Breaker I'LL BE RIGHT BACK I GOTTA BUST A CAP!

"Big Brother!" Someone yelled in my ear I was kinda pissed cuz' I really was in the middle of a good dream. I got up then she came out of no where screaming " Big Brother" I almost pissed my pants she really scared the shit out of me. " HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" It's my birthday? I really gotta remember. I took out my cellphone and put " Remember birthday, dumbshit." I put my phone away and looked up to see Aryl staring at me with that weird smile. " Grandma's been calling you, I think you should go see her." I turned away and ran for the ledge. Oh snap I missed the ladder this is really gonna hurt, I hit the board AHH that hurts let me just try to walk it of- ouch oh god that hurts is my leg broken? Oh never mind ouch ah, ah ouch.

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><p>Gam gam's house<p>

I climbed up the ladder only to be punched in the stomach by granny, I fell to my knees in pain she sure can hit for an old woman. " WTF Grandma?" She just laughed at me. " You take it like a schoolgirl" I looked up to see holding a green fairy suit. " Oh no, there is no way I'm wearing that." She looked at me with the puppy eyes. " Please just this once, for grandma?" I looked back with puppy eyes too. " But I don't wanna look like a fairy." " Just this once." " It will ruin my reputation." " You live on an island nobody barely comes here." " But- Oh fine."

I walked out the house man it was hot, I walked passed Sue Belle. " Man, you look like a fairy." I looked at her. " Your mom" I stopped by Orca's house to get that sword

Orca's house

I walked in only to be punched in the stomach again. " Welcome Haru, I see it is your birthday, how about some training?" I shrugged " Eh why not it isn't like there is anything else to do an this piece of crap island." I held the Hero's sword ready to train " Alright, strike me with your sword." I swung the sword at him " Excellent! Keep going!" I swung it again this time with all my might. " Enough, focus your concentration on me and thrust your sword at me" I focused on Orca and thrust the sword at him. " Good! Now jump at me, keep your focus." I jumped in the air, swinging the sword at him. " Wonderful, you have complete your training." " That's it?" " That's it!" " Do I get to keep the sword?" " No!"

Well that was a waste of time,

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><p>Aryl's lookout<p>

" Big Brother, I have a surprise for you." I looked at her suspiciously " I hope it's not a punch in the stomach." She laughed " No silly it's my most precious item, my telescope." She handed me her telescope " You can only use it for a day." I frowned " Well that sucks." " Try it out." I looked at the Rito guy who delivers mail. He was acting weird like he was having seizure or something, Aryl screamed in my ear to look at something in the sky. So I did, there was a giant bird- ew there was something hanging from it's mouth- oh never mind it was a girl…Oh my glob it's a girl! Cannons started flying towards the bird, you know what that means…. Pirates. A whole ship of them. A cannon hit the bird and he dropped the girl into that Fairy forest. " Oh no, brother you have to go help her." I didn't really wanna save her but she got with the puppy eyes again. I stole the sword from Orca while he was taking a nap, and headed for the forest.

* * *

><p>Fairy forest<p>

Wow the forest isn't as bad as you think it was kinda peaceful, in a weird way. I walked to a ledge and saw a hideous creature, I charged after it with my sword killing it. More monsters showed up it was Mortal Kombat! I finally killed the last one and looked to see that chick, she seemed hotter up close. She woke up " Oh shit!" I yelled hiding, she fell off the branch and hit the ground, " Hey are you okay?" She glared at me. " Do I look okay to you!" " You don't have to be a bitch, just asking" She was about to slap me when a gay dude came out of nowhere. " Miss Tetra!" Tetra so that's her name, putting her on my Date list.

Outside…

My sister was waving for me, she started to walk across the bridge, just then that giant bird swooped down kidnapped my little sister. " HOLY SHIT!" I ran off the edge of the cliff like a dumb ass, I was lucky that bitchy pirate caught me.

" What? You wanna go on our ship?" I nodded for the 15th time. " Well, you can't it's not my fault your sister was kidnapped." Just when I was about to bust a cap, that postman showed up. He said something about long ears and that bird. " FINE! But you'll need a shield to protect yourself. That's easy,

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><p>Gam gam's house<p>

I went up the ladder and guess what the shield wasn't there. I went to ask good old grandma. " Haru is this what you're looking for? ….. So it is true.. Is Aryl gone?" I was about to cry man' she had me all choked up. " Don't worry gram-gram I'll save her." She smiled handing me the shield and a lunchbox.

" I packed you a special lunch." I looked inside " What's so special about it?" She smiled " I added a cookie."

Oh fuck yea!

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><p><strong>Well that's a wrap, be sure to look out for Chapter 2: Forsaken Fortress mmkay <strong>


	2. forsaken fortress

Forsaken Fortress

**Haru gets into forsaken fortress a different way. Also parts of the story are from family guy star wars its a trap!**

" Yes." "Uh, yeah can I come in?" " No,no me sir Ganon no." "Well,can I come back late- "no no no." I decided to trick his ass. " Hey Ganon's cat escaped I sure hope it doesnt drown!" Then I little robot think jumped out of the slot running while screaming " Oh kitty,kitty,kitty,kitty kitty!" I shrugged it off and picked the lock, ot took hours cuz all

I had was a spoon.

I walked up the stairs, gosh now that was stupid thing to do. I was dumb enough to think they were having karaoke. An alarm when off and these hideous monsters threw me in jail. Aint that some shit.

I could't think of any good ideas so i am going to eat my special lunch. I bit into my sammich and guess what, it was ham and chee- wait a sec

A sec later...

This tastes funny,i inspected my sandwich and you wouldnt believe it,there was

A piece of paper in it. Either someone is tryna get me pissed off or gram gram is bad cook.

I read the note" if you wanna escape find the ghost in the tunnel" what?

I looked everywhere and just when i was about to give up, a vase from the shelf fell on my head. Gasp i have been given the knowledge of a hero...oh wait it's just gas...ahh. Ahem back to work, i climbed that shelf and there was the tunnel. I was finally gonna escape Yea!

I snuck to one of those watchtowers an-_ i'm the type of girl you wanna chew up on my bubble gum, i 'm the type of girl you wanna take to yo momma take take, t-take to yo mom- _hold on let me get this, what it do, oh wat up, what?, na ah no she didnt, oh snap i gotta go talk to ya later sista. Sorry about that now where was i... Oh yea. I pretended to be the guards dead uncle. " Boooob, why didnt you come to my funeral Bob?" the dude jumped in the water like the schoolgirl he is.

Scaring the shit out of security later...

I made it to this room where these fat guards who were'nt on a good diet were walking back and forth. I really wanted to kill them but i only had a spoon. I got in a barrel snuck to one of the guards,and almost died he farted right in front of my airhole. I couldve suffocated ugh i seriously cant breathe.

Just then a light shined down from the heavens above sending hope from the glorious rays.. And then

I woke up, and there was my sword. There was a giant door in front of me, it was so tempting. Should i, i mean how many times do you get to open a giant door? Hell yeah im gonna open it.

Inside that giant i opened...

There my sis was i found her and now we can go home and party til we're purple! Wait my haru senses are tingling. Uh oh it's that giant bird.

Here i am in the giant birds mouth it flew to this dude. " you know what i have a few words to say to you, whats your problem? Why are you kidnapping girls i saw like three in there, you using them to satisfy yourself? I swears if you lay one hand on my sis im gonna rock your balls ya here me im hung like a monster!

I threw closest thing i could grab from my lunchbox at him. " what did you just throw at me?" " it was either oreos or potato chips."

He twitched his head,and the bird tossed me into the ocean.

I could really use that heavenly light right now.


End file.
